Alone With Violent J
Part 4 The Final Chapter
"THE HOUND DOGS & OH ANDRA"
OK, Now I'm going to ask you a shit load of stupid questions. Some of these have nothing to do with anything. These questions will be about everything. Most of these come from internet fans who were just curious to know... Ready?
Yeah... bring it
"Clown Hog" from Dallas wants to know "How do you feel about your fans"?
Yeah. That is a stupid question. Everybody that knows about ICP also knows that we have no fans. The Backstreet Boys, now they got some fans. They got millions of little bitches screaming for them and all that. Chillin' outside their hotel. Fainting and shit. Them are what you'd call fans. But we ain't got none of that shit. You wanna know why? Cause we only got Juggalos. Juggalos are down with THIS... not US. It's not me and Shaggy that are fresh... It's what were about that's fresh. It's not actually ICP that is cool, it's what we stand for and what we believe that's cool. So there for, the only reason Juggalos even play us, is cause they can relate to us. They come from the same place of thought. They have the same point of views. When a Juggalo is playing ICP... He or she is playing THERE OWN shit. It's like THEM rapping or something.
Look at who comes to our shows. Bitches, dudes, old asses', babies, what ever. Juggalos come in all forms. ICP is your escape from everyday bullshit. Nobody wants to be cool all the time, that fuckin' sucks. It's way easier and funnier just to let it all hang out and be a ninja. Let your nuts hang right out of your pants. Let your titties fall right out of your shin or something. Be yourself and fuck trying to always be the shit. Nobody at an ICP concert is going to laugh at how cheap your shoes cost. If they do I'll beat them myself. Nobody cares weather you got a real Fubu jacket on or a Fuba jacket. Were 311 just chillin’ and being any way we want to be.
If all the rappers are talking about one thing, ICP will probably be talking about the other. Because I will say exactly whatever the fuck I want, no matter how it's viewed by others... Fuck the world baby. It's our world, we have our own world... a Juggalo world.
Try to define a Juggalo?
This is what I always say.... When you walk out of the shower naked, that's YOU. Butt naked standing there. What you do to yourself after that is just to create an image for yourself. You dress a certain way, you put on your make up and fix you’re fuckin' hair up to be how you want to be seen. Rock people want to be seen as rock people, so they put tight ass jeans on and frizz they hair all up. Alternative people put on bell-bottoms and shit to look alternative. Skater people wear baggy shit or whatever. Rap kids wear rap shit. But what I'm saying is, a Juggalo is just themselves. That butt naked ninja. He or she puts on what ever they got in the closet and gives no fuck how people see them. He or she could give a fuck less. That's what you see at our shows. That’s who buys our shit. Ninjas like that... I hope.
So Juggalos are ninjas that keep it real?
Yes and no. Keep it real about yourself, but fuck keeping it real music wise. You got all these rappers running around screaming about keeping it real, well to me real is too depressing. I'd rather keep it fun. Keep it fresh and entertaining. Fuck keeping up with what's in style. If you wore a Michael Jackson "Beat It", Zipper Jacket to school in 1984 and you were probably the atom bomb. Wear one now and see what happens.
Do you now how many people out there would rather freeze to death before they put on that fuckin' Beat It Jacket now? Just cause people would laugh at them. Give ME that motherfucker! I'll wear the fuck out of that bitch! I'll wear it in my videos, on stage, to the Grammies, what ever! I'll wear that motherfucker to bed at night. I'll wear it in the shower. I gives a fuck what you think is cool. I'll keep my gum in one zipper, I'll keep my keys in another, I'll keep my money in another zipper... Them jackets were and still are the shit to me! Fuck what the rest of the world thinks.
Fuck keeping it real. I live, breath and die in a real world and now your telling me my music has to be the same way? I Can only talk about this? I'd rather let my music take me away from this bull shit. ICP is your escape from the real. Fuck the real. We see enough of the real every fuckin' damn day. Besides what’s real to us may not be your reality. So what’s real?
ICP caters only to that certain kind of person... a Juggalo. Ninjas that would wear that Michael Jackson Beat It Jacket to school TODAY if they wanted to. I know I would. I'd wear the fuckin buckle shit too.
Can you honestly say that all your fans are like you guys are?
Hell no. Shit, we sold almost a million albums now. We got all kinds of ninjas buying our shit, half of them probably suck. Yeah, in some places you got a bunch of fake ass bitches bumpin' our shit, but that's just because it might be a big popular fad right now in their city. Yeah, them types of fans or whatever you wanna call them, come and go. You can ask Tone Loc about that. You can ask anyone about them big fad fans.... Ask Hammer... Vanilla Ice... New Kids... Young MC... But a Juggalo is the guy that first listened to it, and will last listened to it. Fuck what's in style. Allow me to give you an example...
Let’s take Detroit for example... I'd say that we was most popular around Detroit in 1995. Now, in '95 we had the Riddlebox album out. That record sold about 40,000 copies around Detroit alone. Before that... Carnival and Ringmaster did around 20,000 copies around Detroit each. Then after the Riddlebox craze, The Great Milenko went back to just 20,000 copies around Detroit. See what I mean? During the big ICP craze of Detroit, we went up to 40,000 sales, then it returned to its original 20,000 Juggalo base. Thais because all the fake ass, part time Juggalos went out and bought our shit when it was cool! Now, they've moved on to the next cool thing... Now all the fake ass bitches are probably buying Korn's shit. That's how it works. So I'd say that there is probably about 20,000 real Detroit area Juggalos. The extra 20,000 sales we had that year were to some pop ass fans. The real Detroit Juggalos were probably saying "What the fuck is this? What's all these bitch ass punks doing bumpin' my shit? ICP is for me, not for them punk asses". I know that ninjas were saying that, because I was saying the same thing!
ICP fads might happen in certain places at certain times, but it wont ever happen everywhere at once... because we'll never let it. You'll never see me perform at the MTV music awards. You'll never see us on Lolla Polloza... because I'll never share my Juggalo music with some dick wipes that's only there to see the next band after us. I'll play for Juggalos and only Juggalos. I'll never open up for some mega, large ass band and play for all his bitch ass fans. Fuck that. We do our own shows even it there’s only 50 Juggalos there, at least I know that they're here to freak it with us. They're there to jump to our kind of music... ICP, Twiztid, Myzery, Blaze... The wicked shit. We are Juggalos and we are for Juggalos. Sure the word "Juggalo" is just something we might have made up, but all I'm trying to say is that we are a certain way and the people that like our music are usually that same way too... Crazy, dumb, ruthless, and not faded by much.
"Dreabed" wants to know, Do you get recognized alot in public?
"Dreabed" an Internet kid....
Oh. Yeah, well Debbie, if I'm with Shaggy I do. If where out together, we might get lots of ninjas hound doggin'. Hound Doggin' is stale as fuck. That's what we call some ninja that sits there and stairs at you from across the room like he wants to grope your balls or something. Look man, if you recognize us either A... Walk up and say hi or what ever it is you've got to say, or B... Just leave us the fuck alone... but whatever you do... Don't C... Sit there and stair at us... following us and hawking us like you wanna plug our bulls or something. Why do ninjas stair? What do you think, were all the sudden going to break out into a song or something?
Yeah that shit I hate. More than anything. Also this shit. "Oh... Oh my God.... No way... Oh my God What the fuck is that all about? Let me ask you this, what would YOU say to some kid that's standing there right in your face and saying "Oh Oh.... Oh my God"? I blow mouths out for that shit. Them people get dissed hard. Raise the fuck up oft my nuts motherfucker. I can't think of one person on this planet that would even make me even look twice, but you got some people that think so low of themselves that when they see a "star" or something, they sit there and go "Oh... It's him Holy shit it's him . I deck motherfuckers like that.
Give me an example...
One time I came out of the air port and this kid was with his girl friend and he was practically passing out cause he saw us. What kind of bitch must that kid have been? How could he sit there and pant like a dog in front of his woman, just 'cause he sees us standing there? This kid was at least 25 and here he was tainting like a big bitch. How low must you be? Some ninjas just say... "Hey J... when is the new shit coming out?" See, that's cool, there ain’t nothing wrong with that. I'll sit there and hang with that kid all fuckin' day. But to sit there and swing off my nuts or freak out like a 14-year-old bitch meeting Usher is wack as hell. People like that get beat down. Some houndogs follow me in my car. That shit happens every day. Some drive by my fuckin' house. What the fuck for? What are you expecting to see? Me and Shaggy doing a concert on the front lawn? Me naked in the window? Is that what there hoping to see? No, but instead you come rolling by my house all slow and shit, making me think your getting ready to pull a drive by on me or something, That's when I run out there in my drawers, pull you out of your car and beat you in the street.
Damn... you seem like you really hate that shit...
Fuck you. I Love Juggalos. But I hate these sap ass, wienie, bitch ass ninjas swinging off my dick making me feel like some fuckin' famous richie or something. If anybody ain’t a star it's us. We ain’t no fuckin' stars. Our shows are just parties and we re hosting them on stage. Me and Shaggy never want to be the center of this... Were all in this together. Why you jockin' me? I Don't write the shit! The Dark Carnival does... I'm a follower just like y’all.
Don't fuckin' tap me on the shoulder at the mall and then not have any fuckin' thing to say. Ninjas tap you so you'll turn around and then they just stand there like "awww" and don't have shit to say... they just look at you... What the fuck am I supposed to say at that moment? What would you say? Here’s this complete stranger tapping you on your back and when you turn around, he's just starring right at your face with nothing to say... What? That wouldn’t piss you off? What? Just cause I rap all the sudden that don’t piss me off?
Look, when I'm explaining this shit, I want you to truly listen with an open mind. I Know it's hard to vision it from my shoes but at least try...
A Pew days ago I was at a record store with my boys and the girl behind the counter waves me over to her... I'm standing there in the isle all the way across the store ,thin king.. 'This bitch wants me to come over there for some reason... She don't look good, so why would I go over there" Then I thought more about it... "Hummmm, why does she want me to come up there? I haven’t even found my shit yet". Then I just shook my head "No" and we went about our business.
Finally I found all my shit and took it up to the counter. That same bitch goes "OK, now do you want to tell me who you are?" I said "what?" She said "Everybody in the store is starring and buzzing over you guys... So tell me who you fuckin' are?" I sat there for a minute... Now, this has happened to me a million times, but for some odd reason, this one time really pissed me off. I said "Wait a minute, your telling me that all these people here in the store are starring at us so you're expecting me to announce to you who we are?" She said "Yes". I'm steady thinking to myself... "What the fuck? Who the fuck is this bitch anyway? If this bitch doesn’t recognize us, then obviously we must not be shit to her... She would probably recognize her favorite band if they walked in... So why is this bitch so concerned with finding out who we are? What does it matter? Obviously we ain't shit to her or she'd know who we are at first look" So I just said "No, we ain’t nobody. Just ring my fuckin' CD's up and do your job. Quit asking me stupid shit and do your fuckin' job." ... I was a dick to her. Fresh!!!
Plus what the fuck did she mean by saying "OK... now do you want to tell me who you are?" What did she mean by that? What did this bitch expect me to do... walk into the store and walk right up to that bitch and say "OK... HEY REGISTER BITCH, WERE ICP IN CASE YOU WANT TO KNOW!" Fuck that stupid ass bitch. She can suck my dick.
Yeah... I hear you on that
Then sometimes you get this shit... People start asking you for autographs and then more people come along and next thing you know, the one real Juggalo that first recognized you is long gone, and your still there signing shit for a bunch of wack ass people that never even heard of you! Truck drivers.. Old Ladies... They just assume that you must be somebody special so get that autograph. They just see you signing autographs and they just jump right in line. That shit happens in truck stops all the time on the road. I'll be standing there signing autographs for old men and shit and I'm chillin there thinking, "These mother fuckers have no fuckin' clue who the fuck I am and look at this shit" What the fuck. Sometimes I just stop right out and say "Do any of you even know who the fuck I am? (No) Then why would you even give a fuck about my name on a piece of paper". Get your fuckin' nose out of my ass.
Juggalos are the shit to meet, cause you can sit there and kick it with them about shit all day. If some kid recognizes us and just wants to kick it and he's a cool ninja about it, the next thing you know that kid will be chillin' with us for weeks and he's a new homie. If some kid recognize us and starts fainting and acting like a sap, next thing you know, his favorite person is kickin' his ass!
Real Juggalos just hang out and be cool with ya. They laugh and chill and hang out like homies. They understand that we're just some ninjas. But houndogs are wack as fuck. Don't sit there and stair at me unless your a chick. Cause when I catch a man peeping me out, fan or no fan, he might be beat down.
So some fans you Iike, and others you hate.
When you play your tape recorder back, listen to what the fuck I just said ninja. Me and Shaggy just hate it when people treat us like were super stars when they see us. That shit is shitty. We want to be down with y’all, quit looking up at us, look even with us. We're your homies. If we ever win a Grammy or something, were going up to the podium representing y’all! Fuck being bigger than life, we're stuck in this life, just like everybody else. This is our time to occupy the earth together. We ain’t anything special.
110 years ago it was all different ninjas here. 110 years from now it will be all new ninjas. Right now is our time together... so get off my dick and quit acting like I'm something special you sap ass, bitch, hound dog motherfucker. Whooo!!!
Sticking with the subject, kind of... " DEADROWW" Asks "Do you guys hang out alot in public, What to you like to do"?
Death Row? As in Records?
Oh.. When were at home we stay hidden. We stay hidden all the time. I Like to chill with my homies, just like you do with your homies. Only your homies probably suck and mine are fresh. HAA! We practice voodoo witchcraft in my back yard. Doesn’t everybody?
My boys never... ever... treat us any different than they do each other. That's why I'm most happy when I'm with them. Look at my boys, I grew up with all these ninjas. They went threw the same shit I did to get here. You think they give me any breaks? They leave me hangin' all the time. They'll go out somewhere and forget to pick me up. Sometimes it we're really crowded, they make me ride in the trunk. They don't play that rap star shit with me and Shaggs. We get dissed just like the next ninja. That's why I'm happiest with my boys. I love each and every one of my Dogs more than anything.
Yeah. That's cool.
Sometimes at a show in the dressing room, a security guard or the promoter guy or whoever, will walk right by all my boys like they ain’t even there and shake my hand and say "welcome back" or thanks for bringing your show here to our venue" as if I had any fuckin' thing to do with it. They know that my boys booked us, my boys brought us here, my boys made it all happen. But they wanna walk right by them and swing oft our fuckin' nuts. Without my boys it would just be me and Shaggy running back and forth on a big, empty stage. My boys are just as much making the shit happen as we are.
A mother fucker will sit there and walk right passed Billy, who designed the whole stage, ran the pyros, worked the lazer lights and all that... Then he'll walk right passed Jump Steady, who worked out the business details of the show and made it all happen... Then the guy will walk right passed Tom Dub, Stephan, Dougie and the rest of my boys that changed costumes a million times that night and ran the whole show with us, and he'll finally get up to me and Shaggy and say... "Great show guys, you guys are great". I always want to kill them motherfuckers. The Dark Carnival sees this.
There he is with his back turned to all the ninjas that really made it all happen and he's jockin' me and Shaggy cause were the only public "STARS" or what ever. Sometimes I just say right to there face "Why don't you think before you talk, you rude ass motherfucker, get the fuck out of here" Then he leaves the dressing room and says to everyone... 'Yeah I met ICP before... Those guys are dicks man"... Never even realizing who the dick was.
What about the girls? Don't the rock stars get lots of girls?
Now that's the only area my homies get the advantage in this shit. They get to walk around in the crowd and kick it with hotties while me and Shaggy are stuck back stage... Those bastards.
You know what? You got hound dog bitches too. Granted I don't mind a chick starring at me or tapping me on my back at the mall. But some are just hound dogs too. I've met super model, hot ass girls and that say You have very pretty eyes". Yeah right. I sure do. Yup. I'm also a stud. FUCK OFF! Like my eyes look good or something! I look like a fuckin' crack head. My eyes look like 2 tried eggs. What the fuck are you talking about? I Was practically a virgin until I starting touring. I'm ugly ass hell. I'm a ruff neck ninja. There ain’t a fuckin' thing pretty or cute about me and you know it. You should see me without the make up! As if I look good or something. Them bitches only say that shit because of who you are. They don't give a fuck what you look like. What if I worked midnight’s at Taco Bell? Do you think that same super model bitch would have told me that about my eyes9 Hey, wow, thank you miss... Would you like some hot or mild sauce with that?" I just don't see that happening.
Yes I get what you’re saying...
Man you should have seen some of the bitches I've got with. I'm talking Janet Jackson style bitches. Super hot. When I'm with them I can't do nothing but laugh over and over again.
I Think about the old days in school when they used to say "it you step on a blue tile in the hallway you have to kiss a Bruce Brother" and all the girls would go "Ewwwwwww". Then all the sudden I'm rich and famous... Next thing you know... I got pretty eyes and shit. It's amazing. I Know that I'm not supposed to be with these super model bitches but some how I get to! It's funny as hell to me. I bust my nut in like 10 seconds every time too! She's probably used to these stud ass, Buff Bagwell ninjas working it all night long, and then I come along and bust my nut in 10 seconds! Because I can't believe how fuckin' hot she is and somehow she's letting me hit it cause she thinks I'm famous... Little does she know that I'm a scrubby nerd in disguise! HA BITCH! I'm Joe Bruce!!! That shit's funny, HAAA HHAA!!! Them bitches were probably popular, richie bitches back in school that would have never gave me a second look and here I am bangin' there shit out in seconds... HAA lm A NERD!!! IT'S AMAZING!! You let me hit it and I'm a nerd!!!
Yes... Super models letting YOU tap it. That is amazing...
You know what else is amazing..
How quick I could beat your ass... You’re getting a little to fuckin' slaphappy, motherfucker. (Billy Bill interrupts: That's what the fuck I'm saying...) How about I slap them spectacles off your bitchy face?
What? What did I say? Come on, like you always say J, I'm just juggling' your balls a bit...
You touch my balls and I'll kill you.
You know what I mean... So, you were talking about bitches that jock because of who you are... Come on just finish. I'm sorry, let’s just continue
Whenever a really hot girl steps to me, I laugh my ass off. I'm not dissing myself at all. I Love myself exactly like I'm am, I wouldn't change shit about me. It's just funny to me when a bitch is jocking me and acting like I look good or something. I'm the shit, but I ain’t no looker. I'm not that club type stud ninja. I'm more like that scrubby ninja asking for change outside of the club. But here I am with all the hotties all the sudden! Shaggy on the other hand, bitches always jocked him. He could get chicks back in the day before the rapping. But he's just Shaggy. He don't know how to kick it, so he gets with nothing.
Sticking with the subject... Amy from Cleveland wants to know, "What kind of girls do you like"?
Bitches that let you fuck them on the first date. No question. That's my shit. If a girl lets me fuck her, I'm way quicker to call her again than if she didn't let me hit it. Fuck that. You'll get the truth out of me. I Don't give a fuck what you look like. I'll bang your shit out. Straight up. I ain’t got no kind of morals. Shaggy one time got with 3 chicks at once. I Got with 2 chicks at once 4 different times, for a total of 8 different bitches. Nope, we decently ain't the sweet heart guys you might have hoped we d be. Shit, we some scrubby ass, dirty motherfuckers. Ain’t no tellin' where I've been baby. I Probably got Scabies, The Clap, Skiffs, I'm burnin, The Drip, Herpes and Cribby Crabs. Shit... I'm a motherfucker, I'll fuck your mother. Take me home to meet your parents and I'll steal $50 bucks out of your dad's wallet and goose your mom on the way out...
Yeah.. Squeeze her fat ass.
Oh. Ok... Anymore about the kind of girls you like?
Yeah.. lots more... I like skater chicks. Hell yeah. Baggy ass pants and a stomach shirt with them little underwear strings coming up over her hips... hell yeah. That's my shit. I Never get them though, they don't like me. Because I'm a big, fat, tall, gumpy giant and I scare bitches. I'm too loud and crazy. In Europe this woman told me I was too loud and I was scarring her children. I Looked and her kids were my age! But If I could, I'd get one of them alternative, skater chicks with the sexy stomach shirts and I'd take off her baggy ass pants, pull her underwear up off her hips and then guess what I'd do..
I don't know, what?
I'd fuck her.
Yeah... I Like older mom chicks too, cause they come at you for sex. You don't have to sit there and beg for that shit. Sometimes older, mom chicks attack YOU for it. It's happened to me once before. One time a girl... forget it. I love girls. I'll drive to your fuckin' house right now no matter where you live. I'll take a pontoon to get to your house. I'll hand glide off a cliff if you live in a cave. I've fucked ghost, aliens, mermaids, everything. I gives a fuck... Call me 313-960-4011 that's my voice mail. No fuckin' dudes either. If you’re a dude and you call me for anything, than you’re a fag. If you call me and diss me that means you love me, faggot... Chicks only. If you call and it says it's disconnected, call back later cause my voice mail is cheap it never works right. It usually works for only a few hours a day. Call me. I Gives a fuck. I'll come over and part your pink sea. I'm crazy like that. You know what they call me?
They call me J!
Yeah.... You’re a loony... OK... Lets move along now...
You know what else they call me?
Because I have a fake toot. It's really a balloon. I have to blow it up in the morning. Then at night I deflate it and it shrivels up like a balloon. So they call me Shrivel Foot.
Oh... Well5 Jesse wants to know "What’s your typical day like"?
Jesse can fuck oft. I Wanna talk more about bitches. I Love all girls. I Like old school, rock chicks with booty hair and tight ass, stone wash jeans. I go to Dokken concerts and spring old wolf chicks. I wear my Judas Priest Jacket, and Shaggy's tight ass wranglers. They love it. They’re extra tight on me. I'm not as dirty as I just said I was. I'm really a nice ninja. I want to take you to my house. It you can cook me dinner that would be the shit. Do you think any chicks are gonna read this?
I Don’t know, Probably. Have you ever fallen in love?
Fuck yeah I have. 3 Times. I Loved my first girlfriend Karen. She made it all possible to do this whole ICP shit. She let me live with her with no loot for like two years. When I say no loot, I don't mean a little bit here and there, I mean NO FUCKIN' LOOT. She fed me, she helped me, she drove me everywhere, she did it all for me. I smashed her car 3 times and totaled it the last time. I was such a fuckin' bastard. I Think I put her in debt something like $40,000 dollars. She worked as a manager at a video store. She use to let me steal videos from there all the time. One time I hit it in her video store when it was closed. That was fresh. Who knows what she thinks of me now, but I did and I always will love that bitch. She was crazy though. That's why I love her so much. Crazy bitch. It I found out that her husband or boyfriend or what ever she has now, was treating her like I was treating her, I'd go over there and stab him 50 times with a screw driver in his head.
Then came Lori. She was my second bitch. I loved her too. It was a completely different love. I didn't love her more or less than Karen, it was two completely different loves. I Know I sound like a pansy right now but just hear me out motherfuckers. Both were some crazy shit. Lori was a leader, so I thought. But now I think nothing of her. She left me at my most hardest time. That's how I see it. She probably sees it way different than me. She never liked my shit. She never got the Dark Carnival and that was a big problem with me. She wasn’t feeling it. When I look at it, she left me hangin' when I was completely out of my mind with making it all work with ICP. Fuck that shit man, that's when she should have had my back the most. Just like my best friends did. And my mom did.
She was so strong and firm about what she wanted to do with her life and yet the last time I talked to her, she ain’t moved at all. She dissed me only cause I was probably too fast and too strong for her to keep up with. Whoo!
Do you still Know this chick?
Nope. I Saw her at the airport about a year ago and she was with her boy friend and she tried to hide and acted like she didn't see me. Like I'd stalk her or something. Fuck her for that. Anyway I've met women now that blow her away at power.
Look man, I don't give a fuck who you are, the only thing that can destroy the biggest warrior is love. Bitches can kill you. When I split with Karen, Lori was right there. So that was easier to get through. But when Lori was outti, I was destroyed. I just wanted to go.. and go... and go.. If I stopped and I was alone, it would start to fuck me up again. Love lifts you way up when you get it, but then it drops you back down hard when you lose it. You can't win. My mom's been married 3 times... I've had mad dads. Life always seems to outlive relationships. Besides what the fuck does this love shit have to do with ICP? Why are we talking about this lovely love shit?
Just keep on babbling. This is a great way to let Juggalos know what you’re like to hang out with.
Yeah, fresh. Well I'm going to leave you with this one story about a bitch. You want to know why? Because love... and bitches... and shit like that, is a major part of everybody’s life, even ours. Listen, then I'm done with this fuckin' dragged out, long ass interview. My nuts are stuck to the side of my leg because we been sitting here so long.
Yeah ok. But hey man, this interview is the shit and you’re the shit for doing this.
Raise up hound dog. Ok, Listen... My brother told me that there's a lyric in an Ice T song that said something like If you can over come the power of pussy, the whole world is yours". Something like that. Anyway that's the dead truth. When I was in jail, every motherfucker was in there over a bitch somehow. Child Support, stalking, whatever. I'll bet you $50 bucks that all the bitches are in jail over ninjas too. That's how it works, love destroys you on both sides. When I broke up with Lori something like 4 or 5 years ago, all I did was keep moving and hiding from some more fuckin' love shit. No long term shit never. I stayed a player... Kept going and going. I kept moving state to state, shows, tours, studio, skins, shows, tours... never had time for a relationship and I never ever wanted one. After that Lori shit, I was done with that love shit...
And what happened?
I Fell in love. Like a dumb bitch. But fuck man, that shit schooled me harder than anything in my life. It was completely unexpected. I ain’t the type of motherfucker that walks around falling in love all the time. I'm more like a hit and run type ninja. But not with this girl.
That shit just happened recently too. Just a few months ago on the last tour. 'The Juggalo Funhouse Tour". We was touring with the my long time homies The Kottenmouth Kings.
You fell in love with one of the Kottonmouth Kings??
I Should fuck you up for saying that... Right now, I Should fuck you up. Remember about your sexy specs motherfucker... I'll slap them right oft our face...
Come on, You know I'm only playing. Tell us your story...
We had been out on the road for something like a week with the Kings. I was standing in the club that we were playing at before the doors opened in West Virginia. This short girl with long ass hair came walking right by me. She almost killed me cause I was so stunned at how fine she was. She didn't even look human.
She was so fine I thought the Dark Carnival was coming to get me and she was the first spirit I saw. But I was wrong. She was human, and worse than that she was my homies sister. Damn. I Asked "who the hell is that?" My brother told me, "Oh, that's Andra, she's D-Loc of the Kottenmouth King's sister. She is on tour with us, she rides in their bus... she is selling Kottonmouth T-shirts for them. So I quickly turned that shit oft and didn't look again. D-Loc is my homie and he knows I'm a dog so I gave it up right there. About 6 weeks went by. I had completely forgot that she even existed. Until the tour got to Chicago.
What happened in Chicago?
I Always like to walk around the venue before a show and I peek at the ninjas lining up out front waiting to get in. Sometimes it it's only a few ninjas out there, I'll go out there and kick it with them or whatever. So there I am at the Chicago venue just looking out this window and BAM! She walked right up to me and started talking to me. "Hi... what are you doing?" I was fuckin' stunned at how beautiful she was up close... I didn't know what to say... She was lookin' perfect up close. I sat there and tried to talk. I was almost speechless. She talked to me for about 30 minutes. Every last word she said amazed me. She was full of life and color. She had the strongest presence I have ever felt. I felt like I was talking to an angel, straight up. After that, it was on. It was some shit that I ain’t felt in fuckin' years. I didn't give a fuck whose sister she was. I Knew that I had nothing but good intentions with her. I asked D-Loc first and he told me to go after her. Besides, weather or not he was cool with it, I was still gonna. I was hooked. Obsessed... Determined... Crazy... Insane...
Yeah, a little bit of that too.
Yeah, I figured
To make a very long story short, we spent crazy time together until she left. I guess she wasn’t really about me. She said that I was the bomb but some shit was going on in her personal life that was just to fucked up. She told me that she really, really liked me, but she didn't want a ninja boyfriend right now. In other words... fuck oft.
The craziest shit was that I never even kissed her! Well, I would have... but that wasn’t my concern. I Just wanted to get with her FOREVER! MORE THAN ANYTHING! She was so fuckin’ perfect to me… She loved to travel, she loved music… She had dreams and goals… and she could talk to spirits! SHE FUCKIN’ TOLD ME THAT!
I was deep off into some love shit with her. I fell in love in just a few days like a big, stupid, stalker dumb ass.
So she left? What did she do, quit the tour?
The same day I met her she told me that she was leaving the tour in about a week. Her and the kings weren’t getting along. I tried to spend every second of that week with her hoping that she would stay on the road with me, or at least come back out to see me, but... no. Didn't happen. We got to LA and she was outti. I was dead. I was completely fuckin' dead. None of my boys wanted to hear anymore about Andra. I couldn’t move. I remember in Vegas, Mike Clark and a few of my homies flew out to see us and I was dead. I couldn’t even talk to them. I was a bitch. Once I had sampled perfection, nothing else mattered. She's all that I wanted. The only time I was alive is when I was on stage and surrounded by the Dark Carnival. Off stage I was dead. I would stair at the clock praying for showtime so that I could leave this world and become one with the spirits of the Carnival again on stage. Cause not even love can fade the Carnival baby.
As the weeks went by, I slowly unfroze from the deadly grasp of love and returned to my natural Juggalo self. What's crazy is how quick that shit hit me and left me for dead. That's straight up not my fuckin' style. She probably thought I was crazy or something. She probably thought I was a lunatic stalker or something...
Imagine that... Why would she ever think that?
Hey, fuck off.
So that’s it? that's the end of your fresh story?
Yes and no. Yes that's how it ended with her. She went back home and left my life forever. But I've yet to tell the moral of the story... You see, I deserved every last second of that pain. All the dissing I did to Karen and Lori back in the day... All the playing I've done to girls that might have really cared about me... I needed a big ass drop kick in the ass and I got it. BLAAAH! That's how it goes. I guess I had it coming for years. I deserved it. Don't you see? She never really existed! She was on a mission right from the very start to destroy me. She was just a ghost. She was way to good to be true. She was a phantom that approached me in Chicago, took my soul on a trip through heaven, and then dropped it off in hell. Then she jetted off to destroy the next ninja that deserves it. That's what I believe. But now I've finally crawled back out of Hell. I've brushed off the rubble. I live again. I have regained my strength. I can now clearly see the whole picture of what the deal is. She was just sent here from beyond to teach me something...
So have you learned from this?
Yes... I have. I learned that EASY E was right all along... Yeah, about what?
Easy was right when he said.. (Grabbing the tape recorder from the table and holding it right up to his mouth)
ALL BITCHES AINT SHIT!!!
JUGGALO NINJAS AND NINJETS! STAY DOWN WITH THE FUCKIN' CLOWN BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I’MMA STAY DOWN WITH YA'LL! PEACE! CLOWN LOVE! SEE YOU ON THE CARNIVAL GROUNDS BABY! IT'S OUR WORLD!!!
Shouts out to my homies Turd Crunch, Frog Bone, My bc Dirty Bun, Skinny P, Mud Lip, Slap Face, Slap Happy and Poop, Brussel Bean, my boys down on Dragoon, Poo Bear, Stinky Shit, Bubble Love, Sour Lip, Zit, Duck Mouth, Belly Hair… My boys Slop Eye, Smoke Ryda, Dumpster Tooth, Cheddar Face, Big Moon, Crooked Toilet...
My homie Shovel Dust, Tickle Foot, Stab Monkey down on Casper...
My boys Max Melt and West Side Lester, Doo Doo Tongue...
My dogs captain Kayos, TurnBuckle,
D-Oay, Spank, Booger,
The Red Baron,
And that was it. He tossed the tape recorder back in my lap and kept yelling fake names until he and Billy Bill walked clean out of the building and drove away.
Well Juggalos, I'm glad that I got to hear all of this first hand. He never stopped screaming the whole time of the interview. He never slowed down either. Continuously flailing his arms around, standing up, sitting and standing again. He seemed genius at times and yet, straight up insane at others. Billy Bill stayed with him the whole time. Billy seemed all too familiar with what J had to say about the struggling in the beginning and was probably reminiscing it all himself.
J and Billy lumped up and took oft so fast that I'm sure they were happy to finally get it all over with. I'm equally as glad that it's all over. After all, my ass still hurts from sitting on it for four hours straight. If there's anybody still out there reading this... Until next time... Peace and good bye.
Ninjas In Action
Juggalo Jedi HQ